A contentious opening is that of golf courses. It seems there are two kinds of people: golfers and those who dislike golfers. Many of the detractors feel it is an elitist game and those that play it are getting special treatment by their friends in government.

That’s not true, I hope, but it is an interesting theory.

Is there a participatory sport that could be re-opened sooner than golf? Physical distancing should be easy to achieve. Tee times will be spaced by 20 minutes. Green fees must be paid in advance. No walk-ons will be allowed to play.

Under the plan to open courses on May 15, flags will remain in place and there will be no rakes near sand traps. There will be no ball washers as well. Whenever I see or read about ball washers, I chuckle. I can be so juvenile.

A hole will be complete when a ball makes contact with an elevated cup. Score cards and pencils won’t be available, which makes cheating a bit easier.

I love it when your playing partner says, “What did you get?” Here’s what some will do: “One, two, four, six, seven, eight. Put me down for a six.”

Here’s some bad news. There will be no beer carts on the course. The government calls them drink/snack carts, but Premier Scott Moe must have winked when he made that edict.

There will be no washrooms on the course. Maybe it is a good thing that the beer carts are parked for the time being. Clubhouse washrooms can open, but there will be no clubhouse sandwiches. Only one person is allowed into the washroom at a time. This will eliminate the awkwardness of standing side-by-side with someone at a urinal.

I shouldn’t make urinal humour, but there was a time when a sports bar was putting reading material on the wall above its urinals. I wasn’t sure how to feel when a friend told me one of columns was posted. I guess it was flattering, but my goodness.

Locker rooms will be closed. Imagine a guy pulling up to a swanky country club in his/her BMW or Rover, and having to put on his golf shoes in his/her vehicle, and there being no clubhouse attendant to retrieve his/her cleaned clubs?

Anyway, practice greens and driving ranges won’t be open. Guys won’t be able to say, “I left my game on the range.” I left my game in 1985.

If rental golf carts are used, only person per cart is allowed, unless they are from the same household. I know a guy who once drove a cart down the hill and into a water hazard on the 18th hole at Waskesiu. Alcohol was involved.

The last time I played was about five years ago, when one of my sons and I went out for nine holes. After seven holes, with the clubhouse near us, I suggested we pack it in. It was chilly and windy and, other than his company, I wasn’t really enjoying it. In addition, I was up $1.75 on him and didn’t want to give any of it back. We played the last two holes and I walked away with $2.25.

I never had a passion for the game, even when I played a fair bit. I know people who are obsessed with it, and all the power to them.

The most stressful round of golf I ever played was about 25 years ago. The owner of The StarPhoenix asked me to join him for a round with Saskatoon’s chief of police and the communications person. The communications officer and I worked together through my role at the paper and his role with the police service.

I didn’t hit a good shot all day.

On one hole, the chief of police was standing a little too far down the right side of the fairway. I hit the ball off the toe of the club and darn near hit him. I asked the communications guy if the chief carries a gun when he golfs. He doesn’t, fortunately.

I am sure golfers will live quite nicely with the province’s rules when courses open on May 15.

Fore!

-Cam Hutchinson