Due to press deadlines, I am completing this column on inauguration day. For the first time in history, POTUS has become, as some wags have dubbed Donald Trump, FOTUS: Felon of the United States. For months, well before his second election to the highest office imaginable, I have been horrified, although not shocked, at the bizarre and idiotic things coming out of his mouth. I could not possibly say this better than Globe and Mail columnist Andrew Coyne, so here:

“Now that the people of the United States have elected a fascist to lead them – a felon to ‘take care that the laws are faithfully executed,’ an insurrectionist to ‘preserve, protect and defend the Constitution,’ a rapist, a racist, and a narcissistic psychopath to hold the country’s highest position of honour – the question on everyone’s lips, naturally, is: what does it mean for Canada?

“Everything, would be the short answer.”

Yes. So. Chief among these things issuing from his face was the threat to apply tariffs of up to 25 per cent on goods coming from our country (and many, if not all, others.) As we await the actual outcome, we should call them what they are: economic sanctions. For this is how we try to weaken our foes. As I write this, we are still waiting. In his inauguration speech, Trump did not specifically mention Canada. He did, however, say he was immediately directing his staff to look at tariffs; and according to an official who spoke to the Reuters news agency, Canada was one of three countries on his memo.

But Canada is not and has not been a foe (long distant history aside); and now the new U.S. government, I would argue, is also trying to weaken its friends. For the most part, on the personal side, until recently, I was able to keep my powder dry. I wrote as sensibly as possible about the looming threats. I tried to remain sane in the face of insanity, because that is what these sanctions represent, and I wanted to be better than FOTUS.

But then came his comment to Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, delivered at Mar-a-Lago, about Canada becoming the 51st State of the Union, and I lost my wig. The epithet-laced vitriol emanating from my admittedly soap-wash-deserving mouth was the finest and most furious rant I have ever spewed. I am not sure if I was surprised, subsequently, when I realized that an entire country, my beautiful Canada, shared my fury and disgust. Even a goodly number of Americans weighed in, which I have to say truly touched my heart.

Fortunately, my husband helped me recover my footing by presenting me with a white bunny-hug emblazoned with a red maple leaf and the words “Canadian As Heck.” (See photo.) Hubs refused, he said, to use a more . . . colourful word to decorate this item of clothing. That would be unCanadian. Ahh. How Canadian is that?

Anyway. Every social media site veritably bristled with anger, jokes, memes, and heartfelt comments in the vein of “Keep your filthy hands off my beloved country.” I don’t know about you, but it helped soothe this savage breast. I was far from alone. Canada stood up and said no. This comment was not funny, and if it wasn’t meant to be funny, you can go to . . . that heck place. It’s the oddest thing that Trump united us like we haven’t been in ages, or so it feels. Yet perhaps it’s not so odd. You only know what you’ve got — universal health care, a vast and beautiful land, independence, resources, etc. etc., and may I add water bombers trying to put out fires in California — till you realize it might be gone.

Sharp lesson, though, right? And I will not include Alberta Premier Danielle Smith in the following mix, nor add further comment, because she is a column unto herself. But Ontario Premier Doug Ford deserves a nod (love his “Canada is not for sale” hat) and I must say I loved our outgoing PM’s suddenly less diplomatic response on X, which went totally viral. “There isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that Canada would become part of the United States.” Conservative Party of Canada leader Pierre Poilievre, from whom I did not know what to expect, posted, “Canada will never be the 51st state. Period. We are a great and independent country.”

Even People’s Party of Canada leader Maxime Bernier, who endorsed Trump in the election for heaven’s sake, issued a scathing statement, going rather further than most. He accused Trump of adopting the “militaristic and imperialist attitude” of the “neoconservative establishment” that has for decades “invaded, engineered coups, bombed, and killed thousands of innocents in countries that posed no threat to them, under the pretext of ‘protecting the free world.’” Whoa. And if you have not read Jean Chrétien’s column in the Globe and Mail, from the vantage point of his 91st birthday, here’s a taste. “To Donald Trump, from one old guy to another: Give your head a shake! What could make you think that Canadians would ever give up the best country in the world – and make no mistake, that is what we are – to join the United States?” Yes. The best country in the world. It’s time to fight for it, together.

– Joanne Paulson