For example, I am learning to cook. Maybe the word cook is a stretch, but let’s go with it and let you decide. I test my creations on Sandy.

Here’s a typical breakfast I will make for Sandy. She likes her toast between not overdone and not underdone. I have found a setting on the toaster that offers this consistency. She likes peanut butter spread thinly across the toast. I go from right to left. I experimented with the quantity and have that down pretty much pat. If there is any left over at the left end, the dog gets it.

Lunches have been a bit more challenging. Leading up to preparation, I go to the store and get bakery buns, packaged meat and tomatoes. I try to have a good supply of tomatoes on hand. As a special treat, I will get a head of lettuce.

I slice the bun, endeavouring to cut it in half perfectly. In my early days, I would have too much bottom and no top. Next, I slice and pepper the tomato. I have struggled with getting a clean slice of tomato. On one side, the tomato is often a millimetre thick, and a centimetre on the other.

I like to use “real” cheese. I have found a medium cheddar to my liking and, more importantly, to Sandy’s.

Lately, I have put the ham or turkey near the buns, so I don’t lose sight of them. Twice, I have forgotten to put the meat on sandwiches. I warm my buns for about 15 seconds. Sandy likes her sandwich right out of the fridge. I top the meal with mustard. I put Sandy’s on first, not because I am a gentleman, but because if I forget to shake it, she gets the watery squirt. I don’t like my buns spongy.

I wanted to change up lunch one day, but Sandy seemed hesitant to tell me how to do a poached egg. I think she knew what the outcome was going to be.

I Googled it. I have never seen so many shell pieces in water before. I don’t mind a piece of shell in a hardboiled egg, but this was too much. I crossed poached eggs off the menu.

My dinner menu varies. If there is corn at the store, I will buy it and husk it on the deck. I try to remove those stringy things. I ask Sandy which pot to use. She tells me and recommends adding sugar, not salt. That seems odd, but whatever.

With noodles, I ask Sandy which pot to use and where I can find a strainer. She kindly gives me the same answer as the previous time. I will open a jar of sauce and pour it onto the noodles to round out the cooking part of the meal. I don’t mean to brag, but I make a decent garden salad. I pour Sandy a glass of Pinot Something, light candles and go downstairs and watch the 6 o’clock news.

One time I was blowing out a candle, got too aggressive and sent the wick flying. It landed on a wool area rug. Sandy and our dinner guests had looks of horror on their faces.

I like making burgers and hotdogs. Sandy doesn’t like her hotdogs as cooked as me. I like those black bubble things on mine. I have thought about putting hers on later than mine, but why would I want to stand over a hot barbecue for longer than I have to? “Hun, I overcooked your wiener.” That quote might be funny if it was mine.

I don’t mind cooking burgers and ‘dogs inside, although I have made some rookie mistakes. Sandy mentioned that I should consider using a cover on the pan, because greasy droplets were flying around the kitchen like a COVID sneeze.

I put fries and a baking sheet and cook those at 400 for how ever long it takes. Sandy and I have two theories on fries. I like mine crispy. She doesn’t. “Hun, I overcooked your fries.”

My desserts are incredible. I currently have two on the menu. Both come with a cup of ginger tea for Sandy.

The simpler of the two is cracking open a container of Rolo ice cream and adding a caramel drizzle. Mmmmm.

The second takes more work. I heat up two of those two-bite brownies. I put these in a bowl, and plop on a couple of scoops of vanilla ice cream on them. I top it with a chocolate drizzle. Mmmm. This is my favourite. (Note: I find I need three bites to eat two-bite brownies. If I was younger, like in my 50s, I would see how many I could stuff into my mouth at a time.)

The longer this pandemic lasts, the more diverse my skills should become. I am thinking of trying steak — we both like medium. Maybe I will fry up a baked potato. Sandy likes sour cream on hers, and it grosses me out. She also loves mushrooms. The texture grosses me out.

Anyway, I better get going. I have dinner to prepare.

-Cam Hutchinson