Arizona Cardinals general manager Steve Keim sold a Phoenix radio station a bridge, swampland and Regina with his comments about Chris Streveler: “He is a legend in Canada. Winnipeg won their first Grey Cup in 29 years because of him and what he brought to the table.” In fairness, Keim went on to call Streveler “a gritty guy, who can really run and make plays with his feet.” That’s what legends do, though.
• Torben Rolfsen, on NASA confirming that a potentially hazardous asteroid is hurtling towards Earth at an incredible speed: “Don’t worry, the Houston Astros will warn us on the direction and velocity.”
• Janice Hough, on MLB commissioner Rob Manfred apologizing for describing the World Series trophy as a piece of metal: “Never thought I’d say this, but sometimes I almost miss Bud Selig. Almost.” • One of the best moments at spring training so far was when a fan showed up at the Astros camp and started pounding on a garbage can. Each beat spoke volumes.
• From Rolfsen: “Some fans saying since the Astros weren’t stripped of their title, Barry Bonds should be in the Hall of Fame. Yeah, but there’s not enough bronze to make a bust of his head.”
• Another from Hough: “As the Astros cheating story dominates all the MLB spring training headlines, the sport must long for the good old days when the only scandal was steroid use.”
• One of the many things I don’t get. Why do NHL teams let Alexander Ovechkin and now Auston Matthews set up in the position where they score many of their goals? Can’t that be defended?
• Team Canada curling coach Dan Carey was way out of line when he told an official to shut up during a timeout at the Scotties. That prompted this comment from Chris Schille: “Don’t try that in Sask. Trust me.” Remember, Schille was ejected from a game in Sask. Tankard playdowns in 2013 for dropping an f-bomb on an official. He knows.
• From Rolfsen: “Mookie Betts to the Dodgers: Worst Red Sox trade since Babe Ruth to the Yankees for an organ grinder.” • From comedy writer Alex Kaseberg: “Justin Bieber shaved off his mustache. So now he doesn’t look like the guy selling discount meat door to door.”
• Are the Sedins Hockey Hall of Famers? I say yes.
• From Rolfsen: “If the Zamboni driver had gotten injured, Drake would have been in goal for the Canes.” • Hough, on Bobby Knight getting a standing ovation as he entered Indiana’s Assembly Hall for the first time in 20 years: “Did the Hoosiers consider giving Knight the honour of throwing out the first chair?” Instead of putting green arm bands on hockey referees under the age of 18, how about we put muzzles on hockey dads over age 30? Rolfsen, on new MLB rules that allow recycling bins in dugouts, but not garbage cans: “Traditionally, nothing in baseball gets recycled except lefthanded relievers.”
• From Kaseberg: “The day after the Oscars is when the press laments over stars left out of the In Memoriam tribute. It was too bad they left out Dane Cook, Tom Arnold and Pauly Shore.”
• More from Rolfsen: “The Blue Jays Dunedin spring training facilities might have undergone renovations, but players are still changing in parking lots.”
• Cruz 96.3 FM morning radio man Clayton Kroeker thinks 5-in-1 body wash could be amped up. “Why stop there? Why not 17-in-1 body wash? Run out of milk? Boom, 17-in-1 body wash is also milk. Power steering problems? Boom, 17-in-1 body wash is also power steering fluid.”
• Hough, on Astros owner Jim Crane saying sign-stealing didn’t impact the game: “Uh, if they didn’t think it impacted the game then why did the Astros do it?”
• From Twitter account @kica333: “Don’t you hate it when you are holding two things and accidentally throw the wrong one on the bed? Anyway, my nephew is OK.”
• And the final words go to Rolfsen: “The Oscars: biggest win by a Parasite since Brad Marchand’s Stanley Cup.”
-Cam Hutchinson